How could they?

So many words are trapped within a mind littered with shards of glass so thin; banging against the iron walls, screaming for a way out, slicing open old wounds to try to ease the pain of what was done unto you; that evil that was forced upon you… How could they let this happen? How could they?

-E

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The Anxious and the Depressed

We are the anxious and the depressed, the forgotten and the unheard.

We are the missing faces, the ones who long to be found.

We are the stragglers you leave behind, trying to find our way.

We are the family members and friends you call ‘weird’ or ‘unreliable.’

We are the courageous people who walk in pain and agony.

We are the warriors who fight battles every day.

We are the mighty, the ones who will overcome this.

We are the souls who will one day rest in peace.

-E

A little inspiration

Leaving behind what makes you happy can be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do in your lifetime. Hopefully, it will never happen to you. If it does, I’m so sorry you had to give up on something you really wanted. Life can be a real bitch sometimes. Sorry, pardon my bad language. But it really is true, you know.

Time and time again, I have thought about quitting my university studies and just running. Running from all the noise and the mess that has become the reality of what I have called life for the past 3 years. What one hell of a ride it’s been.

With all the crazy stuff that’s been happening, I have spent many sleepless nights thinking, ‘Am I making the right choice to stay in school?’ ‘What would happen to me if I left and did something else?’ ‘Would I survive walking away from journalism, the only profession I aspire to work in?’

And even then, with all this doubt in my mind, I can never seem to pull myself away from that rush of excitement when I get to work on a new assignment that involves combining all sorts of new media and writing. The spark I feel inside when I hear the words “author” or “writer” or “editor” or “journalist” is exhilarating. I get that child-like excitement, and my heart even skips a beat. It’s really quite something.

But what’s funny is that right now, even without my degree or an official job as a journalist at an established publication, I am a writer. I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember which in all reality and sensibility would make me a writer would it not? And I am also an author, for which I wrote my first novel “Finding Elena” that has been a moving success over the last few months. And I am also a journalist (in training since I am in j-school), but a journalist all the same. I have yet to achieve the title of “editor,” but I suppose that will come in time.

Even though I have thought about quitting journalism, I won’t. I am strong enough to withstand the pressures that university life is throwing at me. I am capable of anything I put my mind to.

I think the point I am trying to make here is DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM YOURSELF. Do not walk away from your dreams. Do not let your fears stop you from achieving all that you are able to. Do not limit yourself based on what you believe you can or cannot do. It is okay to ask for help if you need it. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of courage.

If you are going to walk away, my advice to you is to walk away from your doubts and fears. Walk away from your insecurities and setbacks. Walk away from negativity and just do what makes you happy. Happy people make the world a better place so, defy the odds and shine bright like a diamond, as Rihanna would say.

-E

Week 1

Hey, everyone!

I’m so sorry I’ve been silent this past week. Getting settled into the treatment centre has been a bit challenging for me.

In my last post, I mentioned that I would put up a post about my first day here at the treatment centre. Little did I know my first day was rougher than I thought it would be. It was awful, actually. So in light of this, I’ve decided to write about my first week instead of my first day, since I think it will be less triggering for me to recall.

During my first week here at the centre, I have experienced so many emotions, and I have honestly no idea how to process them. It’s been one hell of a time adjusting to the way things are around here. I’m still trying to fit in. Being here is triggering for me, but I’m trying to work through that as best as I can.

I’ve been trying to stay active, and I’m reading and journaling every day so that I can hopefully keep my spirits up. I may post my journal entries from each day once I leave but I’m still debating on doing that. I’ll keep you guys updated on that later on.

The groups I have to attend are okay. I find myself not able to focus on them though which is a bad thing I guess. Maybe it’s the medications, but I just can’t figure out why I can’t keep my head straight on anything. It’s getting annoying actually.

The meals here are a hit and miss. Sometimes they’re good and sometimes they’re not. At least I’m not starving.

Honestly, I still don’t know if this program is the right one for me. I keep trying to tell myself it’s going to get better, but I don’t feel like it will. I still have moments when I want to go home. These moments overtake my mind and won’t stop screaming at me.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want the help so I can get better, but I want a different help than what the centre is offering. Ugh! The struggle is real, as they say.

Anyways, this is just a little update about what’s been going on. Hopefully, my second week will be better.

Sending lots of love and good vibes to all of you.

Xoxo

-E

​’Finding Elena’ NOW AVAILABLE

Well, here we are, my dear friends. I’m finally able to take a deep breath and say, “It’s finished! My book ‘Finding Elena‘ is NOW AVAILABLE.

OH, MY GOD. HOW COOL IS THAT? I AM BEYOND EXCITED FOR THIS RELEASE.

This book is a huge accomplishment for me. I have poured my life, my heart, and my soul into these pages and I am overwhelmed with excitement that it is finally published. The continuous work I have put in has finally paid off.

I am also very grateful to my family, my friends and my publishing team for all of their support, love, and efforts to make this book possible. I could not have done it without them. My family has been there for me every step of the way, and I could not be more in debt to them for everything they have done for me. My friends have been there for me and shown me so much love even when I was down, and I am grateful for their kindness. My publishing team has been diligently working hard to make sure my standards were met and that the book looks amazing.

I am just so thankful to be able to do this, and so blessed to be able to share it with all of you.

So here it is. ‘Finding Elena.’ My heart and soul splayed out on white pages for you. My everything in the grasp of your hands. Get your copy today!

Finding Elena is available on Createspace. Soon to be available on Amazon and Kindle. Here is the link: https://www.createspace.com/7164582

xoxo

-E

PODCAST IS LIVE!

Everyone! My first episode of my podcast is out NOW!!! Check it out! 🎙 Link is below.

And on we go…​

Well, here I am. Back again at the writing board. I took a week’s break to collect myself and work eight hours for five consecutive days wishing I was at home writing or reading with a coffee in my hand. I know, stressful right?

I recently got this job, and yes, it is sort of stressful in a way, even though I’m sitting and flattening my bum the entire time. But a job is a job, and I’m a student who needs to make money to pay her dues, so this job is where I’m spending exceedingly large amounts of my time. Ew. Too much sitting.

In other news, I have made up my mind that I will be writing another book. Book 2. Wow, that’s going to be awesome. My first one hasn’t even been published yet, and I am already looking ahead to the future book that will be published in due time. Just awesome.

If you had told me this is what I was going to be doing with my summer break a few months ago, I would have laughed at you and told you to stop lying. I would never have believed you. The fact that I am writing a book for me is a huge accomplishment, especially after all that these past months have thrown at me. I am beyond astounded that I am where I am today after what has happened.

My life has and is still a constant battle with my mental illnesses. But through it all, I still manage to find a way through it all. Whether it be through reading a book or writing, listening to a podcast or some music, going for a run or a walk, having a tea or just simply sitting and being in the moment. My coping strategies have developed from ways of harming myself to ways of improving the situation and helping myself feel better again. Yes! This is a little victory for me.

If you know me, you’ll know that nowadays the small victories mean everything to me. They make me stronger with each passing day. I think it’s important to recognize your own victories over your struggles because it makes you who you are as a person; makes you unique and beautiful. Our struggles shape us into the human beings we all are so we should embrace those struggles, no matter how bad they are (I’ve had awful ones trust me).

And so, on we go. On to better days and bigger things that make us happy and give us joy. On we go to meet new faces and see great places. On to new experiences and adventures, we’ll look back on years from now and enjoy the sweet memories. On to new challenges to fight through and overcome. Onto brighter sunshine and less cloudy days.

To continue on after being knocked down so low has been quite the struggle for me. But I have done it. Survived it. Held on for dear life to the promise of a better life. I know for certain it would have been better for me to not go through my struggles but that’s not how life works. It throws curveballs at you to see if you’re paying attention (better watch out). My struggles were for a good reason and I have come to accept that. Thankfully, I am on a better path to healing.

-E