Week 1

Hey, everyone!

I’m so sorry I’ve been silent this past week. Getting settled into the treatment centre has been a bit challenging for me.

In my last post, I mentioned that I would put up a post about my first day here at the treatment centre. Little did I know my first day was rougher than I thought it would be. It was awful, actually. So in light of this, I’ve decided to write about my first week instead of my first day, since I think it will be less triggering for me to recall.

During my first week here at the centre, I have experienced so many emotions, and I have honestly no idea how to process them. It’s been one hell of a time adjusting to the way things are around here. I’m still trying to fit in. Being here is triggering for me, but I’m trying to work through that as best as I can.

I’ve been trying to stay active, and I’m reading and journaling every day so that I can hopefully keep my spirits up. I may post my journal entries from each day once I leave but I’m still debating on doing that. I’ll keep you guys updated on that later on.

The groups I have to attend are okay. I find myself not able to focus on them though which is a bad thing I guess. Maybe it’s the medications, but I just can’t figure out why I can’t keep my head straight on anything. It’s getting annoying actually.

The meals here are a hit and miss. Sometimes they’re good and sometimes they’re not. At least I’m not starving.

Honestly, I still don’t know if this program is the right one for me. I keep trying to tell myself it’s going to get better, but I don’t feel like it will. I still have moments when I want to go home. These moments overtake my mind and won’t stop screaming at me.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want the help so I can get better, but I want a different help than what the centre is offering. Ugh! The struggle is real, as they say.

Anyways, this is just a little update about what’s been going on. Hopefully, my second week will be better.

Sending lots of love and good vibes to all of you.

Xoxo

-E

PODCAST – EPISODE 6 OUT NOW!!!

Hi, everyone! Just an announcement that episode six of my podcast is now posted!

Here is the link: https://www.spreaker.com/user/eldeluigi/episode-6-real-talk

Hope you all enjoy! Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

xoxo

-E

Real talk

I’ve been struggling a lot internally lately. I haven’t been feeling the greatest these past few weeks either. I know I’m supposed to be getting better every day since I’m in recovery but I don’t feel better. I think I feel myself getting worse; if that’s even possible.

My mind refuses to shut off. Each thought is a stab to my heart. My motivation is down, and I can barely get off the couch some days. I’m having a hard time coping with my roller coaster emotions that keep hitting me like a wall. My insides are screaming, “help me!” “Save me!” But I don’t think anyone is listening.

This is why I have made the conscious decision to help myself even more. I have decided to go to a facility in the Guelph, Ontario area for more treatment. This has been a huge decision on my part as well as my family, but I believe it will be of help to my mental health and overall well being in the long run.

The program is 56 days, and I will participate in this program up until school resumes in September. Starting on Wednesday, I will be working extra hard towards feeling better and making sure I am prepared for all that life has to throw at me in the future.

Do not worry, I will continue to blog and podcast as much as I can while I am there. Although my focus will be on my recovery, I will not forget you, my wonderful readers and listeners. So, stay tuned for the ‘Day one’ blog post I’ll write later this week once I get settled in. You won’t want to miss out on that.

So, am I ready for this? I don’t know. I may get fed up with the whole idea and come home in a few weeks. Who knows? But do I need to do this? Yes. I need to try. I need to do this for me. I need to work on myself to make myself better. This is so important. This is what will hopefully give me a push in the right direction. I hope you all understand.

Many thanks,

-E

PODCAST – EPISODE 5 OUT NOW!!!

Hi, everyone! Just an announcement that episode five of my podcast is now posted!

Here is the link: https://www.spreaker.com/user/eldeluigi/episode-5-nutrition-and-recovery

Hope you all enjoy! Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

xoxo

-E

​’Finding Elena’ NOW AVAILABLE

Well, here we are, my dear friends. I’m finally able to take a deep breath and say, “It’s finished! My book ‘Finding Elena‘ is NOW AVAILABLE.

OH, MY GOD. HOW COOL IS THAT? I AM BEYOND EXCITED FOR THIS RELEASE.

This book is a huge accomplishment for me. I have poured my life, my heart, and my soul into these pages and I am overwhelmed with excitement that it is finally published. The continuous work I have put in has finally paid off.

I am also very grateful to my family, my friends and my publishing team for all of their support, love, and efforts to make this book possible. I could not have done it without them. My family has been there for me every step of the way, and I could not be more in debt to them for everything they have done for me. My friends have been there for me and shown me so much love even when I was down, and I am grateful for their kindness. My publishing team has been diligently working hard to make sure my standards were met and that the book looks amazing.

I am just so thankful to be able to do this, and so blessed to be able to share it with all of you.

So here it is. ‘Finding Elena.’ My heart and soul splayed out on white pages for you. My everything in the grasp of your hands. Get your copy today!

Finding Elena is available on Createspace. Soon to be available on Amazon and Kindle. Here is the link: https://www.createspace.com/7164582

xoxo

-E

PODCAST – EPISODE 4 OUT NOW!!!

Hi, everyone! Just an announcement that episode four of my podcast is now posted!

Here is the link: https://www.spreaker.com/user/9881094/episode-4-how-fitness-can-help-during-re

Hope you all enjoy! Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

xoxo

-E

Words from a beautiful stranger

I’m writing this blog post as my coffee is brewing so, please bare with me.

I woke up this morning (quite early, I might add), to a beautiful stranger writing to me. They wrote some very inspiring words. These words made me think about why I write and why I podcast, and I came to one conclusion. I do this for others to resonate with my struggles and to have someone on their side who “gets it.” I also do it for me, so I can reach out and connect with others who understand or who are trying to understand mental illness. Connecting to other people helps me with my recovery as well as it helps others gain a supporter and a friend.

Mic drop.

There’s my inspiration for the day. Thank you, beautiful stranger.

I do this not only for myself, but to help others as well. That is the essence of why I started this blog, why I wrote a book, and why I recently started the podcast. I want to make sure people know they are not alone in this. It’s a long road to recovery, and it can feel like you are the only person walking that path. Trust me, I know what it feels like, and it’s not fun at all.

My words are meant to inspire others to walk the path of healing. To be brave and do for themselves what no one else has done before. To take care of themselves before they take care of anyone else. That is the point.

This person’s comment has made me come to realize many things. That not only am I here to recover and be strong, but to also support others in their own recovery as well.

WOW.

What an honor.

I am so blessed to be able to do what I do with the support of my family and friends. Without them, I would not be able to help you guys. I would not be where I am today.

Having that support team is so crucial. I know from experience that it feels super lonely a lot when you’re trying to understand what’s going on inside your own mind as well as fix yourself. IT IS HELL, let me tell you. Not a day goes by where I wish I had just one person who understands me clearly and who can see through me to my soul.

So here I am, ready to be your support system. Ready to write what you need, podcast what you feel and say what no one else will to help you recover. I welcome all of you with open arms and a warm heart, to lean on my words when you need them. Trust me when I say it can help. Let me be part of your support team. I will do my best to not let you down.

-E