​’Finding Elena’ NOW AVAILABLE

Well, here we are, my dear friends. I’m finally able to take a deep breath and say, “It’s finished! My book ‘Finding Elena‘ is NOW AVAILABLE.

OH, MY GOD. HOW COOL IS THAT? I AM BEYOND EXCITED FOR THIS RELEASE.

This book is a huge accomplishment for me. I have poured my life, my heart, and my soul into these pages and I am overwhelmed with excitement that it is finally published. The continuous work I have put in has finally paid off.

I am also very grateful to my family, my friends and my publishing team for all of their support, love, and efforts to make this book possible. I could not have done it without them. My family has been there for me every step of the way, and I could not be more in debt to them for everything they have done for me. My friends have been there for me and shown me so much love even when I was down, and I am grateful for their kindness. My publishing team has been diligently working hard to make sure my standards were met and that the book looks amazing.

I am just so thankful to be able to do this, and so blessed to be able to share it with all of you.

So here it is. ‘Finding Elena.’ My heart and soul splayed out on white pages for you. My everything in the grasp of your hands. Get your copy today!

Finding Elena is available on Createspace. Soon to be available on Amazon and Kindle. Here is the link: https://www.createspace.com/7164582

xoxo

-E

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Damage control​

Hi, guys. So my last blog post was a little “dark and twisty,” as Meredith Grey would say (I love Grey’s Anatomy!). I apologize for that. I needed to get that out and put it on the table before I could even think clearly enough to write this blog post. This one will be better I promise.

Two nights ago was really hard for me. I binged. Hard. I felt so sick after, and the guilt and shame I felt after the binge were immensely overpowering. It was a lot for me.

I’m still trying to understand it all, but I think I know what caused the binge.

Boredom.

I was bored from not doing anything after the little workout I did earlier in the day. I tried to fill my time with meaningful things to do that would fulfill me more than food would, but I got bored after a while and started getting hungry, and then the next thing I knew was that I was eating, and completely dissociated.

I know from experience that this is not good for me. I’m still trying to identify at what point I need to step away from my mind and find a sense of calm within myself so that I don’t binge. But that will come in time; sooner rather than later I hope.

So, how can I make this a positive post rather than a negative one? Well, to be honest with you I really don’t know. This is just another “thing” I have to deal with on top of everything else, so I’m trying to hold on to sanity as much as possible. I’m just hoping the next day will be better. I’m hoping I can be free soon.

-E

Repeat offender

It happened again. Guilt dripping from the corners of my mouth. I promised myself it wouldn’t happen again. But it did.

I dissociated.

And then I binged.

The shame wells up inside of me, and I slowly retreat into myself. Thoughts of self-hate rushing through my mind make it so difficult to breathe.

I feel like throwing up.

The sickening image of a girl in a youtube video shoving her fingers down her throat over the toilet crosses my mind. I don’t want to be like her. I don’t need another eating disorder.

I’m a repeat offender, a repeat binger. It kills me inside to say it. I never wanted to be this way. But I am.

Hatred, disgust, guilt, shame. Emotions I am more than familiar with swirl within my heart. It’s too much for me.

So I dissociate further.

I’m a repeat offender; doing ten to life for a crime I wish I didn’t commit.

-E