PODCAST – EPISODE 1 OUT NOW!!!

Good evening my lovelies! Hope you are all doing well today and every day. Just an announcement that episode one of my podcast is now posted!

Here is the link: https://www.spreaker.com/user/9881094/episode-1-body-acceptance

Hope you all enjoy! Any feedback is greatly appreciated.

xoxo

-E

Why I decided to start a podcast

Hello, guys! I hope everyone enjoyed the rather short intro to my podcast. Don’t worry, the first episode will be longer for sure.

As for right now, I want to address the fact that some of you are probably wondering why in the heck I decided to start a podcast. Yes, I see you; or rather, I hear you. Let me explain.

I started the podcast to help people through their journey with mental illness and their recovery. I wanted them to have something to listen to that they could relate to and understand. That’s basically the underlying factor of it.

This podcast is in no way meant to hurt anyone, or put people down. It is a source of positivity and a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings no matter where you are in your journey.

For me, it’s been challenging to find a place where I feel comfortable talking about my dark secrets with my illnesses and my recovery. That’s why I started this blog. This blog is one of my safest places to share my heart, and I cannot tell you how happy I am to have a place to put my feelings and thoughts out to you guys where I get such a positive response. It means the world to me so thank you for that!

But coming back to the topic of the podcast, I want to create another safe space for you and myself to talk and share openly about our daily struggles. I want it to be a relaxed conversation where no one is judged or bullied for saying what they feel.

This is where I invite all of you to email me if you would like to be on the show and talk with me about what you are going through. Reach out to me, don’t be afraid, I am here to listen and to be of help. I will not turn away from you.

My email can be found on the ‘Contact’ page of my blog. Make sure to have the subject line read “ATTN: Podcast” so I can be sure to get in touch with you. I look forward to speaking with all of you beautiful souls! Sending lots of love, happiness, and positivity your way.

xoxo

-E

Damage control​

Hi, guys. So my last blog post was a little “dark and twisty,” as Meredith Grey would say (I love Grey’s Anatomy!). I apologize for that. I needed to get that out and put it on the table before I could even think clearly enough to write this blog post. This one will be better I promise.

Two nights ago was really hard for me. I binged. Hard. I felt so sick after, and the guilt and shame I felt after the binge were immensely overpowering. It was a lot for me.

I’m still trying to understand it all, but I think I know what caused the binge.

Boredom.

I was bored from not doing anything after the little workout I did earlier in the day. I tried to fill my time with meaningful things to do that would fulfill me more than food would, but I got bored after a while and started getting hungry, and then the next thing I knew was that I was eating, and completely dissociated.

I know from experience that this is not good for me. I’m still trying to identify at what point I need to step away from my mind and find a sense of calm within myself so that I don’t binge. But that will come in time; sooner rather than later I hope.

So, how can I make this a positive post rather than a negative one? Well, to be honest with you I really don’t know. This is just another “thing” I have to deal with on top of everything else, so I’m trying to hold on to sanity as much as possible. I’m just hoping the next day will be better. I’m hoping I can be free soon.

-E

Repeat offender

It happened again. Guilt dripping from the corners of my mouth. I promised myself it wouldn’t happen again. But it did.

I dissociated.

And then I binged.

The shame wells up inside of me, and I slowly retreat into myself. Thoughts of self-hate rushing through my mind make it so difficult to breathe.

I feel like throwing up.

The sickening image of a girl in a youtube video shoving her fingers down her throat over the toilet crosses my mind. I don’t want to be like her. I don’t need another eating disorder.

I’m a repeat offender, a repeat binger. It kills me inside to say it. I never wanted to be this way. But I am.

Hatred, disgust, guilt, shame. Emotions I am more than familiar with swirl within my heart. It’s too much for me.

So I dissociate further.

I’m a repeat offender; doing ten to life for a crime I wish I didn’t commit.

-E

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Hey, everyone!!! I have an announcement to make. I have decided to start my own podcast. Super exciting!!! I hope you’ll all tune in when I post the link to my very first episode. I can’t wait to share it with you.

This podcast is going to be based on self-love and compassion for one’s own body; as well as some current struggles and accomplishments going on in my life. I will talk about recovery. I will talk about eating disorders and mental illnesses. I will speak of life and the journey through it. I will talk about what you want me to talk about. Hint! That’s where you say, “Hey Elena! I’d like to contribute a topic to your podcast!”

This podcast is going to be a bit of a learning experience for me since I have never done one before, but I promise to do my best and make it as smooth and enjoyable as possible for you guys. More details coming soon as well.

So, is everyone ready for the first episode? Who’s excited? *Raises hand* All of you! Good, I’m so glad. I can’t wait for it too.

-E

Coffee

What wondrous things can a cup of steaming, freshly brewed coffee do?

A cup of coffee brings my imagination abroad to little coffee shops in Italy on the corners of the street with bustling bodies running in and out. It also takes me to springtime, when all the blooming flowers and creatures are waking up from their winter slumber.

If you think about it, coffee is the fuel of society. We depend on this drink as if it were life or death. We even go as far as going out of our way to get our preferred cup from the coffee shop we regularly attend every morning before work or school. Funny how that is.

I know I have no place to say anything because I do the EXACT same thing. There’s a cute coffee shop in my hometown in the heart of the city’s center. It’s the one I go to every weekend to get the same thing because I love it. And you know what? That’s ok! It’s a preference! No judgment here. If you like it, get it. Simple as that. Everyone agree? Yes? Good.

A cup of coffee can do many things, but it does one extra little thing for me that I appreciate more than anything. It gives me hope for a good day ahead, a fresh start, a happier time. And that, my friends, is an amazing thing.

-E

Sundays

It’s May. The spring flowers are in full bloom, and the air is filled with a scent of freshly brewed coffee. The sun is shining brightly over the city. Spring has finally settled in nicely, and people are out enjoying their Sunday. Talking, laughing, planning, just being in the moment. How fascinating this is to me.

I tousle my hair for the hundredth time since I took a shower this morning and straighten my maxi skirt. Breathe, Elena, breathe. It’s just a coffee shop I tell myself. I patter up the stone stairs and pull open the door. I am immediately wafted with delicious smells of coffee, breakfast food, and baked goods.

It’s a cute little shop, retro, and hip. The patterned walls with artwork displayed on them throughout the place and cushioned couches with small tables give a homey feel to the ambiance. Not to mention the tunes playing on the speakers. Not too out of date but old enough to give it a vintage feel as well.

I enjoy coming here just to sit and relax and enjoy a hot beverage or some food and read or write. It is comforting and spacious, busy and empty, loud and quiet, happy and playful; but most of all it is calming. The people that surround me seem at ease with the place and with each other. Chatting lightly about anything and everything, enjoying the company around them. Delightful.

I order my food and my favorite tea at the front and then sit down in the far corner near the window. I open up my laptop and begin to write this chapter. With breakfast in my belly and a tea close by I type what comes to mind.

This for me is happiness. This is what Sundays should be like all the time.

What makes this experience so great is the fact that I didn’t need someone to be there to validate me or my decisions. I am hanging out with myself. Cool. I can handle being in a public place alone without much anxiety. This is a huge accomplishment, and I could not be prouder. Good job, me. You’re killing it!

Overcome your fears and they will not control you. Be fierce, my darlings, be unstoppable.

-E