Happy Melly

Good morning everyone!

I have some great news. I have accepted a position as an intern at Happy Melly!

YAY!

Happy Melly is a company dedicated to promoting happiness in the workplace. Here is a quote directly from their website:

“At Happy Melly, we believe that Happiness is the future of work and that we can make a living while not losing out on life. Our vibrant community of 500 Happiness Association members from 52 countries around the world strives to make happiness at work the ‘norm’ and not the exception.”

How awesome is that?

I am so glad to be a part of such an awesome community. Lucky for you guys, you can be a part of it too! You can head on over to the Happy Melly website (https://www.happymelly.com) and click ‘Join Happy Melly’ to begin your journey with us. The cost is minimal for how much support and information you will get out of being part of the Happy Melly tribe. Our community chats in Slack channels are a way for people to connect from around the world and share their stories and strategies.

And to top it all off, there is a Happy Melly blog that can be found on the website, a newsletter that is delivered straight to your inbox, and a podcast on Apple podcasts and Stitcher for you to listen to. All that and much more on the Happy Melly website.

Interested? Hop on over to (https://www.happymelly.com) for more information. Or feel free to email me any questions or concerns you may have. My email can be found on the ‘Contact’ page of my blog.

I hope to see you all on Slack soon!

Xoxo

-E

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Being a busy bee

Good afternoon my loves!

I have to say, this week has been SUPER busy for me. I was in the newsroom regularly, as well as I was out in the city filming and doing what journalists do best. I did not stop for four days straight. It was intense but yet, exhilarating because I was doing what I loved most.

I’m finding it much easier to accept the fact that my chosen profession is always up and running. News never stops, and neither do journalists. As a journalist myself, I can attest to that. I never cease to work.

Luckily, I have this weekend to rest and recuperate, before heading back into the fire Monday morning. So, how do I plan to spend my weekend? Well, I will definitely be reading a good book while drinking many cups of hot coffee and tea. Also, my family is coming to visit me tomorrow which will give me some much-needed family time.

I look forward to having tranquil few days. How are you guys spending your weekend? Let me know in the comments below.

-E

Book signing in the making

Good afternoon everyone!

So glad to be back on the writing board again. I have some great news. I have decided to host a few book signings for my book ‘Finding Elena.’

YAY!

I am beyond excited for this. It has taken me a little while to get on board with the idea of doing a book signing but thanks to the encouragement from my sweet grandfather, I have made the decision to do a few of them.

The process is still in its planning stages, but I assure you I will let you all know when a book signing is happening and where. Please feel free to come with a copy you have already purchased, or come early and receive a copy from me.

I look forward to meeting and speaking with all of you lovely souls. Again, thank you so much for all the support you have shown me on here as well as on social media. Thank you for following my story and being a part of it.

Xoxo

-E

Release the demons

This morning I let it out. I poured myself onto the kitchen table over a cup of coffee. I let the tears fall freely down my stained cheeks. I didn’t hold back. I dared speak of demons that have been haunting me for the past number of years. Saying them aloud felt like hot metal scouring my throat. The words burned like they had never burned before.

And then there was my mother, kind and humbling. Accepting my demons. Gentle with her responses. Ready to scoop me into her arms and hold me until I felt whole again. I was so grateful.

Releasing these demons into the open plains, we call a conversation was something I was afraid of. As if it was a sin to tell the tale of how you became the way you are today. Practically throwing myself into unknown territory, waiting to see if I’d survive the exposure.

And I did.

It’s times like these I wish I had a quick way of fixing the issues at hand.  To tick them off of a checklist sounds comical and utterly nonsensical, although if I could make a list of them and fix them as I go, I would be in a much better state of mind. But, as reality sinks in, this is not a viable option.

I know I should be doing something about this, but as for right now, I only wish to curl up in layers of warm blankets with a book and a cup of hot tea and ignore the world around me. At least for a little while longer.

-E

 

Reflections of a BPD warrior

This year, 2017, has been the year of worst moments for me. From a rough breakup at the beginning of the year, to an overdose, to a hospitalization period, to months of major depression, to another hospitalization period, to more months of major depression while trying to stay in school. All while at the mercy of multiple medications that have practically turned my brain into mush.

PURE MADNESS.

My body and my soul have been washed away by pills upon pills of toxic substances that have plagued my mind. With no control over what happens, I am forced to take everything as it comes. Every memory lost, every unfocused moment, every blank stare, every pound gained, all of it.

As strong as I am, at times I can’t help but feel as though I am losing something. Perhaps I am losing myself. Losing my own sense of belonging in this world. Losing a battle I no longer wish to fight.

The feeling of falling comes to mind; as if I’m tumbling down with nothing to save me. Each day a new beginning but each day a failed attempt to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and soul and make them whole again. No matter how hard I try, there just isn’t a light at the end of the dark tunnel.

Days go by, and I barely notice as the time passes. This is not normalcy. This is not real life. But what constitutes as normal? I believe that there is no such definition since the world is filled with so many unique ways of living. This may seem off topic, but it correlates with what I am experiencing. I am not experiencing “normalcy.” I am experiencing an utterly complicated and twisted form of life that only those who suffer from similar kinds of this life will understand.

Recovery is no simple path. For me, it has been one hell of a journey. I am still in recovery and in no way through it. Some days are blurred and uncontrollable, others have more clarity. I suspect that there will be many more of these days before I can genuinely see a difference in my quality of life. But until then, I am forced to do nothing but take it one day at a time and fight each battle as it comes.

-E

A little inspiration

Leaving behind what makes you happy can be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do in your lifetime. Hopefully, it will never happen to you. If it does, I’m so sorry you had to give up on something you really wanted. Life can be a real bitch sometimes. Sorry, pardon my bad language. But it really is true, you know.

Time and time again, I have thought about quitting my university studies and just running. Running from all the noise and the mess that has become the reality of what I have called life for the past 3 years. What one hell of a ride it’s been.

With all the crazy stuff that’s been happening, I have spent many sleepless nights thinking, ‘Am I making the right choice to stay in school?’ ‘What would happen to me if I left and did something else?’ ‘Would I survive walking away from journalism, the only profession I aspire to work in?’

And even then, with all this doubt in my mind, I can never seem to pull myself away from that rush of excitement when I get to work on a new assignment that involves combining all sorts of new media and writing. The spark I feel inside when I hear the words “author” or “writer” or “editor” or “journalist” is exhilarating. I get that child-like excitement, and my heart even skips a beat. It’s really quite something.

But what’s funny is that right now, even without my degree or an official job as a journalist at an established publication, I am a writer. I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember which in all reality and sensibility would make me a writer would it not? And I am also an author, for which I wrote my first novel “Finding Elena” that has been a moving success over the last few months. And I am also a journalist (in training since I am in j-school), but a journalist all the same. I have yet to achieve the title of “editor,” but I suppose that will come in time.

Even though I have thought about quitting journalism, I won’t. I am strong enough to withstand the pressures that university life is throwing at me. I am capable of anything I put my mind to.

I think the point I am trying to make here is DO NOT WALK AWAY FROM YOURSELF. Do not walk away from your dreams. Do not let your fears stop you from achieving all that you are able to. Do not limit yourself based on what you believe you can or cannot do. It is okay to ask for help if you need it. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of courage.

If you are going to walk away, my advice to you is to walk away from your doubts and fears. Walk away from your insecurities and setbacks. Walk away from negativity and just do what makes you happy. Happy people make the world a better place so, defy the odds and shine bright like a diamond, as Rihanna would say.

-E

Back to school

Good afternoon everyone! Happy Friday!

It’s been a little while since I’ve written and I do apologize for that. I’ve been a little busy with a few things. Please, let me explain.

Since my last blog post, I have moved into a sweet little apartment in Toronto, Ontario all by myself! It’s a one bedroom apartment in the basement of a cute little home. I am absolutely in love with it, and the landlady and her family are the most beautiful human beings I have ever met. I still have lots to decorate, but for now, it’s absolutely perfect!

On another note, beginning this new school year, the third year in my journalism degree program has been one that has brought up some challenges and definitely made me do some deep thinking about what I want to do and how I want to continue on this journey. So far, I am choosing to stick with my education. It’s been a vital part of my entire life, and I cannot imagine giving up when I’m almost at the finish line.

It’s going to be tough, but I am going to put everything I have into these last two years of my education, and I am going to prove to myself that I am capable of anything that I put my mind to. Forza Elena! (It’s Italian, look it up LOL!)

Within this great big decision to continue on with school, I am also making the decision to keep blogging as much as I can. During this break from writing (and podcasting), I have realized that it is my saving grace. It feeds my soul in ways I cannot explain, and without it, I have been so lost and stuck, in a way. So to make sure that I am doing what my body needs, I am vowing to send out a blog post as often as I can while I plow away at my school assignments. It may not be every week, but as long as I keep writing whenever I possibly can, I think I’ll be okay.

In regards to my podcast, I will try to get back on the air as soon as I can. Unfortunately, that takes a little bit more time and effort for me to do, but I will do my best to keep up with it as much as I can. Stay tuned for updates on it.

One last thing, I appreciate all your love and patience with me. It’s been a huge struggle for me this past year, and I am so grateful to have this platform as a means of sharing my story, and I could not have been more blessed to have such great feedback. So thank you, to all of you who read my words and understand my story. Thank you for your lovely comments and thank you for your continued support. I am forever thankful.

Xoxo

-E