The past two days have been difficult for me to cope with. My mind has been in shambles trying to grasp why I cannot seem to find peace within myself about my body. Even though I am in recovery, I question whether or not I am able to recover after all the years of abuse I have put my body through.
Self-hatred, self-criticism and so many others are my weapons of choice.
I don’t know where else to turn. I try to stay positive as much as I can, but it feels like a permanent cloud has drifted over me and I will never see the sunlight; only the rain falling, pitter patter on my beating heart.
The tears well up in my eyes and I let them fall with the rain.
I don’t know what else to do. I’m losing the will to fight again.
Chills run up and down my spine as the rain soaks me with its infectious comfort. I welcome the familiar feeling of sadness.
I don’t know how else to save myself.