Hi, guys. So my last blog post was a little “dark and twisty,” as Meredith Grey would say (I love Grey’s Anatomy!). I apologize for that. I needed to get that out and put it on the table before I could even think clearly enough to write this blog post. This one will be better I promise.
Two nights ago was really hard for me. I binged. Hard. I felt so sick after, and the guilt and shame I felt after the binge were immensely overpowering. It was a lot for me.
I’m still trying to understand it all, but I think I know what caused the binge.
I was bored from not doing anything after the little workout I did earlier in the day. I tried to fill my time with meaningful things to do that would fulfill me more than food would, but I got bored after a while and started getting hungry, and then the next thing I knew was that I was eating, and completely dissociated.
I know from experience that this is not good for me. I’m still trying to identify at what point I need to step away from my mind and find a sense of calm within myself so that I don’t binge. But that will come in time; sooner rather than later I hope.
So, how can I make this a positive post rather than a negative one? Well, to be honest with you I really don’t know. This is just another “thing” I have to deal with on top of everything else, so I’m trying to hold on to sanity as much as possible. I’m just hoping the next day will be better. I’m hoping I can be free soon.