It happened again. Guilt dripping from the corners of my mouth. I promised myself it wouldn’t happen again. But it did.
And then I binged.
The shame wells up inside of me, and I slowly retreat into myself. Thoughts of self-hate rushing through my mind make it so difficult to breathe.
I feel like throwing up.
The sickening image of a girl in a youtube video shoving her fingers down her throat over the toilet crosses my mind. I don’t want to be like her. I don’t need another eating disorder.
I’m a repeat offender, a repeat binger. It kills me inside to say it. I never wanted to be this way. But I am.
Hatred, disgust, guilt, shame. Emotions I am more than familiar with swirl within my heart. It’s too much for me.
So I dissociate further.
I’m a repeat offender; doing ten to life for a crime I wish I didn’t commit.