A Nightmare Dressed as a Daydream

Old memories come and go. Emotions run wild like animals in the jungle. Chest tightens and breath shortens. Nothing imaginable comes to mind, memories begin to fade and go blank. Tears well up and fall down pale white cheeks. Hopes and dreams are crushed, more hurt feelings. Countless days and nights of broken hearts and being let down yet again. Numerous hours spent just wondering how this mess of a life began; chained to a hope of a better life than this one.

It was not supposed to be this way. You were supposed to be better than the rest. Better than the past. I believed you when you said you’d never hurt me, and be there for me. Guess that was a lie. What pleasure is there in continuously hurting me? What satisfaction comes from it?

All those nice words you said, were they lies too? So eloquently delivered in a voice that cannot be denied. Promises made and not kept. No concern for how the other person feels. A vicious cycle that has yet to be abandoned. A cycle unknown to be able to be broken or not.

It is a rotten way to treat someone you “love” and “care” about. If you ever meant the words you said you would show me. Prove it to me. Actions speak louder than words. But you won’t show me. You won’t try and do better because after each apology comes another stab to the heart, another action that I can’t take anymore. You are headstrong and independent, not willing to see someone else’s pain. Not willing to adapt to new ways of living.

This is not worth the pain and suffering I endure every hour of every day. It cannot last. I do not deserve this, and I will not tolerate it anymore.

-E

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